Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
