omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
