its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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