dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Success! We fucked roommates!