In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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