if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?