i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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birth control should be required to get into college
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4