my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.