You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
