Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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