i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wear drunk well.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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