It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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