Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
