if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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