At least make sure they are 18
Why
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
