Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How external is "for external use only"?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
