Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
