I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
