He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
