yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
