You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Who died my cat blue again?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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