Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
