i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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