dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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