I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
