i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
