The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
