The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
