Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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