A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
