two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
