you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
