oh god the rape fog is back!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
