What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
