Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
