im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is wine microwaveable?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
