Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
