hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
