I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
