I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
