Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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