I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.