Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I cut my penus on the lid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
