I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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