Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As shirtless as possible
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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