i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
