just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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