ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
