dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
