I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
