I looked at my own cervix.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
