I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
