Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
