I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
