I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
