the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
