You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
