Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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