I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just cut my nipple shaving
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize