Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
