the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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