Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
