Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
