U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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