boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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