woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
