just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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